My vows were to be simple, honest and truthful, though definitely not succinct. After submitting my words to the celebrant, her response was gentle guidance in that they at may be too long. She was right, and I had to write something smaller, more focussed but lacking in the details I wanted to share.
Ironically on the day, I screwed up my printed copy of my vows up and spoke from the heart. I can't really recall what I said but I know I spoke it with love and from what I have recalled it was based on the first iteration of my vows. I have added them below for your enjoyment, (or at least for you to marvel at what monkeys copulating on keyboards can achieve), and that they come close to what I said...
Sue, I feel that my life as been a series of steps, lessons and pauses, that has brought me to this most wonderful point in time. Up until mid 2010 I felt that I had walked alone and that others that shared moments with me, never truly waked in step with me. That was the case, until you re-entered my life and brought colour and song to my world.
Before I explore the now, I think it best I put things into context about how you were first in my life as a true friend, though sadly I didn't realise it at the time.
1984, Chemistry class, some familiar faces, friends, enemies, so many lab mates to choose and some how I found myself drawn towards a quiet blonde haired girl, whose shoulders and and face had been kissed by a gentle sun. Immersed in sterile smells, clinking of glass ware and the scurry of pens, we managed to connect over covalent bonds and organic molecules.
From there we spent a lot of time in each other's company, just talking and walking, never a couple or even considering ourselves to be one, just friends, close friends.
We wandered Kelmscott, and spent time listening to each other and growing close across a summer that scorched the hay and caused circadas to sing into the night. Many a night we sat on hay bales in the shed out back of your house, talked and relaxed the night away, until the morning light began to seep into the dark. You smelt then of sunshine and summer scorched hay, something that I have carried with me over the years and a scent I liken to being safe and home.
I would like to say we drifted apart but we didn't, more an event occured that caused me to step away from you and fade our friendship. Fool I was, and a young fool to have believed the words of others, rather than ask you the truth. A loss then but a neccesary loss when you consider where our lives have gone and the lessons we have learned to prepare us for this moment in time and all the subsequent moments to come..
Our closeness faded and the matters of school and other friendships took precendence over the bond we had then. As we graduated from high school we spun further and further apart, yet looking back I can honestly say that there was a bond that remained, streched and as pale as it was.
Over the years, all 27 of them I wondered about you, what you were doing, were you happy with the path you had taken or were you weighed down with tears? This very thought caused me to write some lyrics which you have refined even further into a wistful beautiful song.
Weighed down by Tears..
I remember the time, oh
Though years have gone … by
And I've wondered what path you have walked … along
Ev-er so long
Do you remember the way that we broke
Though years have gone .. by
Are you living a fortunate life
All wrapped up in pickets of white
Did you find, over the years
Love so true
Did you rise above your fears
Or just make do?
Or do you sleep
Weighed down by tears?
Weighed down by tears?
Apart from a brief moment where our paths crossed over, in a carpark of all places and we talked about our life and our relationships, our paths never crossed. So we continued to move on onwards and outwards, learning lessons, challenging ourselves and growing towards how we are now.
I am glad that after 27 years, our outward spiral had reached a point and we began to hurtle rapidly towards each other, to become closer than in a way I had honestly given up on. From the very first moment we spoke over Facebook and then had a cheeky drink together, I knew that all the hardship and distance we had experienced was worth it. That we were meant to walk paths together, side by side no matter the distance or stones in our shows.
The now is rather amazing and leaves me smiling at the odd moments, as I think of you and what you mean to me and to my children. Regarding the kids, you have not only embraced them as your own, you have become their friends and confidants, winning them with your warmth, love and really bad jokes.
You have shown them and I, that music is part of who we are and that it binds us together, through rhythm and sound, our beating of our hearts and the singing of blood moving in our veins.
Musically I have grown a lot with your gentle care and learnt that I can sing and that my idle writing can reach out to many when paired with your music. Our first real song together came from lyrics written in moments of pain and hope. You brought them further to life,this song has become a theme in my life, that you have shown me, all things pass, all things dark fade, that the light continues to shine.
With you, I have learnt that clouds can be broken...
I wrapped myself in innocence
wore it like a shroud
I closed my eyes on daydreams
And dreamed (of naught) but broken clouds
Clouds broke my heart,
And swallowed up my soul,
I longed for them to part
And let the sunlight my world
Then you lifted me out
Of this deep dark hole
All I’d known was sadness
You kissed me till the clouds were gone
When all I could see was dark skies
I shivered from the cold, frozen to the core
The sun was shining above the grey
I know clouds can be broken
you blew them all away
Sue, you compliment me, you challenge me and you cause me to grow, to be a better man. Your love for me and for my children, wraps me close and keeps us safe. In you I have a partner, one that grows with me and is my world, my heart, my equal and my family. I am more with you in my life.
I give my heart to you and I will walk with you regardless of how hard the path becomes or the stones in our shoes
I will hold you, respect you, argue with you, love you and be honest with you.
Will you take me as yours, in the presence of our family and our friends?